Thursday, October 26, 2006, 02:36 AM - Friends
Yesterday I saw an LATimes obit for Miriam Engelberg. She's one of the people who started me off on the path to geekdom; I'm sure I wouldn't be running all these crazy queries now if I hadn't worked with her on redesigning Larkin Street's database. It's a rare treat to work with a woman database consultant who's also a standup comic - I'm sure I would have found the intricacies of information design intriguing no matter what, but they probably wouldn't have had a funny happy emotional valence without Miriam. She was working at CompassPoint then, and I remember when she first got her diagnosis. She put out a book of cartoons about her cancer that got a lot of play in the last couple years (Cancer Made Me a Shallower Person) - I'm glad more people got a taste of her goofy line drawings and sharp observations. I guess in her honor post-election I'll have to watch some really bad TV... but given that she was from Lexington, I think I'll try and make sure we win one of those KY districts, too, I hope she'd be glad to know her teachings helped our little electoral adventure.
Sunday, October 15, 2006, 11:52 PM - Politics, Friends, Los Angeles
I am not living a normal life these days - back in campaign mode: all work and little sleep. It's disturbing to dream about database queries and to have no real idea what day it is, only how many days remain until the election. I can't believe how well-positioned our project is to have an impact - something that is flexible, phone-based, and virtual is perfect for this opportunity, where more and more races are becoming competitive every day, and many will be decided by very thin margins. We were able to start calling into FL16 literally within a day of the scandal breaking (I downloaded the voters, ran our selection queries, sent them off to the academics to be treatment-grouped, and then off to the Walkers to get loaded into the online system, all within about 6 hours)... really quite astonishing. The project is far from perfect but it's remarkable to be part of shifting the way political participation can happen for progressives, and developing volunteer-driven GOTV work for the left.
I did, however, sneak off last night for a quick game of mid-October midnight naked water polo in the Hollywood Hills (and if that's not enough to make a girl realize she lives in Los Angeles, I don't know what is) (and no, it's not a euphemism for anything, it was a serious cutthroat game, and kicked my ass). Case hosted this unexpected romp and I guess we're both adapting well to this strange southern lifestyle. We may start plotting another round of Capricorn birthday world domination soon.
Monday, October 9, 2006, 12:27 AM - Sex, Politics, Dancing, Friends
By all accounts it was quite well-received. I managed to make at least 3 straight (or at least married) men cry, as well as all the NC Republicans laugh (twice, and only once at my own expense). Even the guys in the band liked it! (Yes, we did second line up from the garden after the ceremony, parasols in hand, dancing behind the brass band and the beautiful brides.) The wedding was amazing, I feel so lucky to have been part of it. Rosie (the minister) who has officiated at >30 weddings, thinks I may have contributed "weditorial" to the lexicon, so I thought I should get it up on the blog. A couple of people asked me to post the text, and although I spoke from an outline, I think I've written out more or less what I said. I wish more straight couples had weditorials, but then I guess we'd be closer to not needing them... In case you missed it:
Thank you for participating in Lizbet and Louise’s wedding. I want to talk to you briefly about four aspects of marriage:
- Legal and political
- Linguistic
- Emotional
- Celebratory
Although it’s tempting to want to ignore the political context in which this ceremony occurs, it’s important to acknowledge the legal realities for Lizbet and Louise. When we were discussing their plans for the wedding, Lizbet said she was happiest when she could forget that their marriage was any different from any other. Last night, at dinner, surrounded by so much love and support from friends and family, we were all wonderfully able to forget that there were any obstacles to Lizbet and Louise as a couple. Today, though, we must acknowledge that they cannot legally marry in California. We are in the middle of a profound social change – we’ve had legal setbacks this week, but we are moving in the right direction. It may take a while for us to reach a condition of full equality, but I wanted to remind you of what is possible.
I’m going to read an edited excerpt from Goodridge v. Massachusetts Department of Public Health, the decision allowing people of the same sex to legally marry.
“Marriage is a vital social institution. It nurtures love and mutual support, and brings stability to our society. The benefits accessible by way of marriage are enormous, touching nearly every aspect of life and death. In return it imposes weighty legal, financial, and social obligations. The Massachusetts constitution affirms the dignity and equality of all individuals. It forbids the creation of second-class citizens. A person who enters into an intimate, exclusive relationship with another of the same sex is arbitrarily deprived of membership in one of our community’s most rewarding and cherished institutions. That exclusion is incompatible with the constitutional principles of respect for individual autonomy and equality under the law.”
I saw one of the greatest concentrations of happy people in one place on February 14, 2004, at San Francisco City Hall - the city had begun issuing marriage licenses regardless of the gender of applicants. I heard people call their families, and I remember one woman in particular, and the wonder and joy in her voice telling people “we got married.”
We’re about to witness a transformative linguistic event – through the words they’ll pronounce, Lizbet and Louise will bring themselves into a new state. The importance of language to this marriage is paramount – and not just because the brides are such accomplished academics. Because Lizbet and Louise don’t yet have the legal underpinnings of marriage, the language we use as we participate in and describe this ceremony is incredibly important. Through referring to them as wife and wife, we help make their marriage real. Please think carefully about this when you’re home, and describe this experience as what it is – a wedding. A marriage.
In our culture, marriage has evolved to celebrate profound emotional connection. One of the reasons I support marriage rights for everyone is that I can’t imagine a better couple to be married than Lizbet and Louise (of course, that might just be because I’m single and still profoundly idealistic about marriage). They’re the couple whose relationship I admire the most. They have an amazing level of mutual respect; they’re intellectually well matched; they provide each other with unquestioning support, but have fundamental autonomy. They are full of love, joy, sensuality, desire and integrity. They are with each other through the saddest and happiest of times.
This is one of the happiest of times! We’re all lucky to share in this beautiful afternoon. Marriage functions because our community supports and acknowledges the union between two people. Especially in the absence of legal recognition, Lizbet and Louise’s marriage is brought into being by our participation in it, as much as by their love and commitment. I want to thank all of the family and friends who are here to be part of the wedding, and who are showing the brides so much support. Through the physicality of our participation, we’re bearing witness to their marriage. We’re privileged to be part of these women’s lives – but just like with marriage, this benefit comes with responsibilities and obligations.
I think we have two responsibilities - first, to work to make marriage possible for everyone. That involves not only the way you talk about this weekend when you go home, and how you refer to Lizbet and Louise from here on out, but also in the way you vote and who you give money to. (Remember, there’s a very competitive House race in North Carolina this year).
Our second responsibility is to celebrate their marriage as fully as possible. Just as Lizbet and Louise are engaged with each other through intellect, heart, and body, we should celebrate their union with our emotions and participation. If people don’t dance at your wedding, you’re not really married. Soon we’ll have the opportunity to dance Lizbet and Louise into their new life, and I encourage you to do that as fully and joyously as they will....
(Yes, I really did start with an outline, and although it was kind of an inside joke, it made it feel formal and deliberate, just like I wanted it to be. And I think everyone could tell what a huge fan I am of their relationship, which was the thing I most wanted to come through. I'm not quite sure why a perenially unboyfriended person like me should be speaking publicly about marriage and relationships, but I'm claiming the title of best strapless-dress weditorialist in Boonville...)
Monday, August 28, 2006, 11:33 PM - Travels, Friends, Food
I was at a party in Boston Saturday night with 3 (!) other illustrious alums of the Ellsworth Field finishing school (Black Rock Little League). Three of the 4 of us have been social workers, we're all single (Tommy is gay), not a kid among us (although Erin wants one soon) - we're all urban and doing interesting things (Jessica works at New American Paintings and is starting to become a gallerist - Tommy has a brand-new philosophy professor gig, has done lots of radical media organizing, and wrote a dissertation on Foucault and friendship - Erin is a social worker in SF). Left to right we were a Raider, a Buccaneer, and a Yellow Jacket (Tommy?). Jessica still remembers us starting to be friends on third base. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who got out of Bridgeport alive - and apparently not the only one who got out with a serious social justice focus, either (interesting how devout parental catholicism plays out in the iconoclasts of this generation, no?). Additional highlights of the weekend included truly luscious bluefish - portuguese style with mussels and chorizo and greens and so delicious. Can't get this in LA:
Wednesday, August 23, 2006, 11:55 AM - Sex, Friends, Food, Los Angeles
The combination of 14-hour days and some (necessary and wrenching and resolving) emotional turmoil has left little time for writing lately, and I fear that it will only get harder to have the space and focus to be coherent as election madness descends. An old high school friend found his way here - so I got to see his new baby's pictures and find out another friend is on his THIRD baby; a reminder that it's worth it to maintain this. I wish I had more time to chronicle all my new favorite Los Angelesness - thai massage minutes away (it DID leave me in a state of indulgent!), squash blossoms at Grace, cinnamony (greek style?) al pastor at Midnight Tacos, the fact that there's a fig tree (with green but growing fruit) in my backyard (I guess a reminder that I'm not paying attention - at least in an arborial sense - as much as I think), outdoor yoga, sea salt caramels from the local cheese store, and how happy it makes me to swim in the ocean...
Monday, August 7, 2006, 12:28 AM - Dancing, Friends
A little postcard arrived in the mail while I was in SF to point me towards L and L's wedding website. If I had any doubts about them being the most adorable couple ever, they were forever banished by the dance previews, the tandem banana seat, and orange flowers. I feel ridiculously honored that they've asked me to say a bit at the ceremony - everyone should have a weditorial from a quirky single girl, right? I've been reading up on court decisions but staying away from Neruda and Rumi. I must think through what to say before election madness descends and I lose all capacity for interesting phraseology...they certainly deserve something special.
;)
Wednesday, July 19, 2006, 07:23 PM - Travels, Politics, Friends, Food
My friend Justin in New Orleans has devised a kind of next-year-in-the-Lower-9th ritual for the lost and wandering tribes of the city. Part voodoo, part seder, mostly party (of course) it has 5 questions, candles, bitter pickles, and red beans and rice. Send it on to the displaced and repatriated you may have sheltered last fall.
;)
Wednesday, July 19, 2006, 02:28 PM - Friends
Last night I had dinner with my friend Sue in suburban Boston - it's immensely gratifying that her daughter (my goddaughter Sarah) is full of cute bizarre fashion sense (note the eclectic ensemble she chose for her before-bed gogo dance). I should spend more evenings making lychee ice cream out of yarn to accommodate the whims of the monkey king and his barbiedoll girlfriends.
Saturday, July 8, 2006, 12:18 PM - Sex, Friends
At Dengue Fever at Tangier on Thursday I could almost pretend I was back at the MakeOut - a big red room, a Dieselhed alum onstage, lots of friends and fellow Mission refugees in the audience...at least one I had no idea was down here (Jeff Palmer). I still can't confirm the rumored arrival of Case Hudson but I hope to spot him soon. I was terribly happy to have a small coterie of new LA friends to lounge around with...
This photo (thanks Betty!) is
a) surprisingly nostalgia-producing (I miss the feta)
b) slightly inaccurate - I'm a greek Mission export now I guess
c) wicked clever.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006, 05:05 PM - Friends
doesn't feel like California outside. The air is wetter and more present than usual and full of vaguely unsettling potential. I am far too sensitive to barometric uncertainty, and I feel like a dreamy addict when I'm in it. Two small raindrops on the way back from lunch (with 'Peaches', for those of you who know your Lusty Lady history) and a series of NYC references are making me homesick for summer drenching thunderstorms and a time when we couldn't all keep tabs on each other electronically.Back Next
