Saturday, January 14, 2006, 07:54 PM - Sex, Politics
It drives me batty that the most important image of women from either the Roberts or Alito hearings is Alito's wife crying. Is welling up the best way for me to influence the future of the Supreme Court?? When he's confirmed, and if he does help overturn Roe, I will certainly be crying my eyes out, given that I'd have to spend a huge chunk of my life dealing with state-level battles over the legality of abortion. If only my tears were so sympathy-provoking, and I could get them such good coverage. Just imagine what would have happened to his chances for confirmation had HE been the one crying. And maddeningly there's at least a chance that if I were being cross-examined in front of the world, I WOULD cry. Yet I think mine (and many women's) capacity to mix emotional and intellectual intensity is one of our strengths. I'm so curious as to whether her emotional display was deliberate - really a master stroke if it was. In personal relationships I can never quite be sure of how much my manifestation of gender is authentic and how much is strategic or performative in response to social norms (or for that matter how much I should enjoy and accept my undeniable response to the masculine- or be suspicious of it). Yesterday I went with the enjoyment option, and I can't say that I'm sad about it. I'll let you know when I quit my job to drive my daughter to swim practice, but don't hold your breath just yet.Tuesday, January 3, 2006, 05:49 PM - Sex, Friends
Today I found out someone I know just got a positive HIV test result; a frighteningly horrible way for him to start his new year. I never know whether to be more angry, sad, or astonished when this happens...I get angry that all my nagging to be careful didn't work, I am sad that so many of my friends have to have sex in a world where this is still such a risk, and astonished that we haven't made more progress (personally, socially, culturally). Did I mention the viciously angry reaction to people who deny their own reality or are too cavalier to protect their partners?? I'm frustrated at the way our efforts seem too often to leave the responsibility to NOT infect other people out of the discussion. All our work in HIV prevention, while I know to have had significant impact, is meaningless when it fails at the individual level, and all my social network disease theory and epidemiology wasn't enough for him. And for all that medicine offers growing hope to (first-world) people living with HIV, it can't touch the pain my friend is going through today.Wednesday, December 7, 2005, 06:11 PM - Sex, Politics
I don't know many republicans. I've had a couple of contrarian science-guy libertarians in my black book, maybe. But I met this man the other week, and of course because I was in SF I had no reason to suspect. Now I've made out with him (more than once, post-disclosure) and I'm having to ponder the previously unimaginable question of what one would do if one actually LIKED making out with a Republican. Is it morally indefensible? Just plan foolish? Apparently I am determined to truly test the limits of my romantic idealism. I know Leslie comes from a happpy, mixed (sane/insane) marriage, though it's always seemed like an untenable arrangement to me. Let's not forget that the last person I dated had the most impeccable political credentials and yet was a selfish nightmare...so perhaps a paradoxical response is just what's called for? Wednesday, November 30, 2005, 02:52 PM - Sex
Innocent voluptuousness? It just sums me up, doesn't it? That was a comment on the Song of Songs on Forum this morning- it's not often that I consider the similarities between the bible and myself. Despite repeated romantic disappointments and dramas I seem to always float dreamily back up to the surface of the ocean of optimism. Must be the same mechanism that allows me to maintain some faith in the inherent goodness of people despite being painfully aware of the horrors that surround us. Why I still take rides from strangers in a world with white phosphorous is beyond me. A strong arguement for temperament and some hardwired brain functions, I fear. But to whom can a sunny atheist give thanks for her happy disposition?Wednesday, November 16, 2005, 02:19 PM - Sex, Politics
So the NYT put the Plan B ridiculousness on the front page yesterday, but this is just the latest example of the blatant disregard for public health within this administration. It's pathetically ironic that they could actually REDUCE the number of abortions that happen by actively promoting the morning-after pill, yet they're so thoroughly anti-sex that they're unwilling to do so. The CDC's domestic and USAID's international HIV prevention efforts are less egregiously but still seriously stifled - where is the public support for needle exchange? Where is the honest acknowledgement of the complexity of sexual health? I'm terrified of what this means for our bioterrorism preparations - will we start giving purity tests before we hand out bird flu vaccine? Apparently there is a "Plan B for Plan B Act for 2005" being introduced in congress by CT's Chris Shays among others, but I can't find much in print on it - maybe just a clever pun? The article on it seems to have disappeared from Broadsheet...Saturday, November 5, 2005, 12:46 PM - Sex
In my ongoing quest for self-knowledge and unpleasant conversations, I spent an hour last night discussing with the author of Monday's kissoff email:
a) how lame it was
b) why on earth he doesn't want to date me.
As you might expect, neither of these topics resulted in any sort of pleasant outcome, although it was cathartic to personally express how inappropriate I thought his communication strategy was. I can't tell if I'm proud of myself that I told him how much I disagreed with his decision, or if that just makes me a pathetic and unrealistic idiot.
I am left, sadly, with another example of someone checking out of a potential relationship. I am apparently not compelling enough to warrant investment of emotional energy. Of course, he's got plenty of external reasons why that's true, and it was interesting to track the thought process that drives emotional charge (I'm becoming more of a cognitivist all the time) but the outcome is still pretty stark.
And no, at the end of the discussion I was not feeling "huggy". More like assaultive and aroused, but apparently neither of those are options.
Seems like I should have pushed harder to develop a higher level of intimacy, but I think he's kidding himself to think that he wouldn't have bolted at the first sign of that. I know that I'm pretty guarded, but I don't think I was putting up barriers. I do think I could have engaged him more on his work stuff, which is a shame since I'm really quite interested in it. Silly me, I just wanted to make out. When will I ever learn???
Tuesday, November 1, 2005, 01:40 AM - Sex
Perhaps I should just add an email breakup form right here? Would that be more convenient for you, dear reader - at least a dropdown menu with "dumping you" as a choice?? I admit it, I think it's bad form to dump someone you've had sex with over email. I mean, it's not like I'm your girlfriend, I'm not going to scream at you or throw shit or anything, at least pick up the fucking phone. Of course it's far easier to displace my hurt feelings onto the form, rather than acknowledge the unpleasantness of the content, but I do think that these things make a difference. And please don't pretend that you'd like to be friends with me if you can't even get it up for a phone call.Monday, October 31, 2005, 01:02 AM - Sex
Really the last thing that I thought would happen with this year's costume was that I would get any play. Despite my gleefully ghoulish self-presentation, I got lots of attention - the highlight being sweet sparkly glitter indian Manual licking the fake blood off of my bottom lip. It was fun to listen to Andrew glance over at me and say 'you look great' and then watch him try to qualify that with 'I mean you look horrible. But really good.' I never really imagined that sex and death would be so blatantly intertwined with just a little pallor and some extra eyeliner...but it makes all the waif models and heroin chic infinitely more understandable. Kind of disturbing that so many people are into dead chicks, but fascinating to think about working the undead angle to sexual advantage. Zombies unite?Back
